I was recently thrown in the reject pile.  Not just any reject pile but the dating reject pile.  I didn’t see it coming – do you ever?  Possibly, in hindsight, but I’m not far along enough to get to that perspective yet.  So, that uneasy feeling creeps up on you and if you’re like me you basically try to talk yourself out of putting on your most comfy pair of crazy pants.  It’s my knee jerk reaction to most all unsavory situations that arise when it comes to affairs of the heart.  Not doing this is what I call growth.  Then a few more days pass and it’s time to come to grips with reality.  The great guy, the one you thought was great, just threw your ass in the dating reject pile.  What do you do now?  Before you pick your poison allow me to lead the way.  You’ve heard of dating like a man, right?  Well, what if we dealt with rejection like a man?

“I take out my phone.  I stare at it.  I put it back in my pocket.  Take it out again.  I think for a second.  I start texting.  I hate myself a little as I hit send.”

A man did this.  That’s right, his name is Jake.  I like Jake.  Jake is in the all-too-familiar territory we have all found ourselves in at one time or another.  He’s going to take us through the six stages of “reject-dude grief”.

Denial

The first thing guys do when faced with rejection, is to reject the rejection.  You need to do the same.  Umm, hello you’re cute, smart & funny as hell.  How could he not like you?  So you come up with excuses ranging from ridiculous to elaborate.  Like he was involved in a hit and run or won the lottery.  In my case I did a little Facebook stalking and right before me was a play-by-play of his weekend.  So his fingers weren’t broken.  Evidence shows his ability to type fully operational.  What next?  You make up your mind to compose the perfect text.  The perfect balance of wit, warmth & indifference is sure to lure him out.  It’s not though.  He’s moved on.

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Drinking

Following rejection, Jake takes it to the bar.  You find yourself surrounded by friends who are saying things like, “He’s an idiot” or “He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”  They mean well, but you still like him.  You might not be liking yourself so much but you remain upbeat, cheers it out & make out as a declaration of your “overness.”  Later, you throw up.  It’s ugly, but it’s necessary – necessary ugliness.

CallingintheFWB’s

The make out serves as a light bulb moment and the answer you’ve been looking for this whole time, sex!  You turn off your feelings for what’s his name, pull out your iPhone and start contacting your friend(s) with benefits (FWB’s).  Like the guy who suffers from Peter Pan Syndrome.  He’s cute, refuses to grow up & right now you don’t need a grown man, at least not in the long term practical sense.  We’re throwing anything or anyone who makes sense out the window!  In other words the best way over what’s his name is under a new what’s his name.

The (Theoretical) Big Life Change

This is where you say, “I’m done with love.”  You visit a variety of websites and toss around ideas like going back to school or backpacking through Europe.  Oh, you might even take up re-reading “Into the Wild”.  You dream of transforming yourself but if we’re keeping it real it’s into whatever what’s his name would want.  Eventually, you come to terms with the fact that nothing will make him want you.  Ouch.

More Drinking

Drink away the pain.  Considering how taxing the previous stage was, you’ve earned a drink.  Several drinks actually.  Drink up.

Acceptance

Around the time you decide to ease up on the booze you realize that what’s his name has moved on & you should too.  Trade in the hookups and junk food for exercise and hard work which is when you’ll come to see that he wasn’t right for you and your weren’t right for him.  Then you get back on the horse (more like Loveawake, OkCupid, Match, but please stay the hell away from Plenty of Fish) and try again.

So what’s that mean for us?  That not showing your reeling from a breakup doesn’t mean you aren’t.  We’re just going to go about it differently, opting to take the approach of our male counterparts.  Remember this, “rejection is a challenge” (Victoria Purcell).  A challenge to let go, not beat yourself up too hard or for too long & remind yourself that Mr. Right is out there.  What’s his name just wasn’t it.